I just got laid off for the first time in my career and I am strangely relieved
I would have never left on my own terms.
I had great benefits, a decent salary and a non-existent work-life balance. Not in the way most describe it however, more like a lot of life and not so much work. My job was too easy by this point and a lot of non-critical initiatives had already been put on hold. I fulfilled my responsibilities in 4–8 hours per week.
Some would think that was hitting the jackpot. It was (for which I was and continue to be very grateful). Yet at the same time I felt unfulfilled and every meeting became so soul-sucking to the point where I hoped they would be canceled. I knew this wasn’t good for my overall energy but I am a sole provider and this was the only way I have been conditioned to live. Plus, I have expensive taste and bills to pay.
I had a mental breakdown a week before I was let go. I have been adjusting to a new albeit wonderful relationship and integrating families, my kids’ schedules had blown up and this dead end feeling had creeped up and consumed me. I canceled the rest of my meetings that day. Call it hubris or naivete but I was in a position where I could make my own schedule. Or maybe not. All I knew was that I was tired of evangelizing the same message and not getting results and doing the corporate tap dance that it takes to survive. After over 10 years of climbing the ladder as a woman of color I realized that my efforts had not and will not matter in this environment. My auto pilot broke and took all of me with it.
My termination was part of a reduction in force that happened across the entire organization. There were executives in even higher positions with fresh promotions that left as well. Things we had in common: we were smart, opinionated and did not drink the corporate kool aid. It was almost like they used this opportunity to get rid of anyone who challenged the status quo, who needed to be promoted or were underpaid. A few of us worked together on DEI initiatives in addition to our primary roles (it still did not give me a full plate). I wouldn’t take anything back, from the time I questioned why the data showed a decline in diverse hires and promotions despite our efforts to challenging other leaders to strive for more. I decided to take a no stress approach because at the end of the day no job is worth sacrificing your mental, physical or emotional health.
I used my free time to explore, work out, rest, spend quality time and begin side endeavors. I always had a nagging feeling (and lots of advice) to be my own boss. I just didn’t know exactly where to start. There was also my mom’s voice in the back of my head reminding me that stability is more important than personal fulfillment. So I never would have had the courage to go all in as an entrepreneur.
Now there is only one option in front of me.
I am passionate about equity. I want to reawaken my strategic and analytical capabilities. Develop leaders with integrity and fortitude. Use my knack for offering useful and relevant life advice. Share my love of all things mystical and magical. Let others learn from my success and failures. And have fun at the same time. I have no idea what the outcome will be but for the first time in a while I can feel my toes again. I hear this message from the universe loud and clear and I am so excited for what this next chapter will bring.
To anyone out there going through something similar and trying to figure it all out too — hang in there, we got this!
If you like my content and want to say thanks you can buy me a cup of coffee! It is not expected but greatly appreciated.
